For the longest time I was trapped in this feeling that I have to fit in, and to be honest in some ways, I still do when it comes to some things, I however I’m working on that, the worst of the kind is when I felt that I needed to fit in because the size of my breast was what I felt defined me as a woman. Back in my prime, I was super slim, natural hair and no asset that defined me as a woman, so I only wore push-up bras to feel as though I fit in…
I remember this one time when I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding, so obviously we all had to dress from the same room because the house was full of friends and relatives… Now here I was, just feeling myself as I wore my beautiful fitting dress and one of the maids decided to take a swing at me and asked, “But Jess hauna matiti aki, ghai! make sure uvae push up bra extra extra zikae kubwa” loosely translated as “but Jess, you do not have any breasts, make sure your bra is extra extra padded.” in my head I was like “How dare she, I mean HOW DARE SHE! at that moment I got very low and throughout the ceremony, I felt sad for myself, I felt like I lacked approval and you know what, she got to me, she really did and I hate the fact that I let her get into my head and why? I cannot change the fact that I blossomed into an almost chest-less girl, I mean! I am fearfully and wonderfully created, so who the hell was she to make me feel insecure, and why did I let her?
Anyway, you see, with endometriosis comes this entire hormonal whirlwind that surprises you each new day, it could be the heat rush (that I am experiencing as I write this) could be the migraines (I just happened to pop some pills to a migraine that came about from yesterday) and could be painful sensitive breasts that seem to be sent from hell, aaand candidly, that is why I am writing this blog today.
You see, I felt that I needed to be normal because when living with a chronic disease, you already feel all sorts of abnormal to the point you sometime feel sorry for yourself. Sagiroy, for the longest time used to urge me to stop wearing push up bras, because anytime I would remove them in the evening, I would always be in so much pain, the excruciating kind. Worst case is how I would wake up in the morning with my hormones at their peak and still wear those bras only to end up pulling them out at my workplace bathroom, and only for what, to fit in!
So what I decided is having that I am blessed with close to no breasts to use a bra for…eh “NO MORE BRAS” yap, I used to judge women who walked braless because I felt it was against society norms, but now I get it, comfort comes first, health comes first, now don’t get me wrong, if you wear push up bras, that’s your cup of tea and if it works for you, great. As for me, I had to let go of my mental captivity and accept that my comfort comes first and that I should let these two itsy bitsy ladies have their freedom.
This cannot go without saying that it is time to look for new tops and sports bras because the way they get so pointy pointy when I am braless could perhaps make people stop looking at my face and end up on my chest wondering what two small guavas are doing there. I kid a lot, anyway, if you happen to have sensitive breasts, try this, it has worked for me super well and I can say that my breasts are doing so much better, if this is not an option, go the sports bra way, or get well fitting comfortable bras which can also help. P.S. This is my personal opinion and not from a doctor…
I mean, #FreeTheNipple anyone?
Watch out for part two, where I’ll talk more about my journey, what I’ve gained since going braless and advice from like-minded ladies.
Feel free to comment below with your comment, advice or feedback from today’s post.